Promises and the Past
by Queen of the Castle
Summary: Sirius faces the fact that he stands to lose those he loves most.


Author's Notes: Set during OotP.

* * *

The picture brought back a mixture of painful and happy memories. Faces that I hadn't seen for fourteen years or more – which I never would see again – smiled up at me. There had been more of us in the Order of the Phoenix back when the picture had been taken, though we were slowly rebuilding our forces. Unfortunately, there had also been many times more Death Eaters after our blood than there were at present back then, so I supposed it that a more pragmatic man might think that their deaths had been worthwhile.

I smiled wistfully as Remus, who'd been separated from the rest of our little group for the picture, waved up at me. I'd already begun to suspect him by then and I regretted ever having done so to this very day. He hadn't felt welcome among his own best friends, sitting instead with Benjy Fenwick, who – if I remembered correctly – had been found blown to pieces. Poor bloke.

When enough of the picture's inhabitants had moved aside I saw Peter Pettigrew, the man I actually _should_ have distrusted instead, sitting in between the two people he'd killed with his betrayal, Lily and James. And there was me standing beside them, all of us grinning widely with no inkling of what was to come. I wished at that moment that I could tear the picture to shreds, just to destroy this testament to my own stupidity.

A throat was cleared from behind me and I saw Remus looking at Moody and I with a detectable amount of bemusement. I understood the sentiment, as I had never gotten along with Moody as well as I did most people (those on the good side of the war, anyway) and we could rarely be found alone together in a room. I suppose old Mad-Eye had always been too serious for me, and I too immature for him.

"Sorry to interrupt, but I was looking for Molly. Have you seen her, Mad-Eye?"

Moody's magical eye, which had been focused on something out the back of his head, swivelled slightly and he nodded. "Upstairs. She... there's a body on the ground... Potter..."

Remus and I shot each other a glance filled with apprehension and together we bolted up the stairs without hearing the rest of what Mad-Eye was saying. Remus, with his sensitive hearing, muttered, "I hear crying," and took off in the direction they were originating from, with me hot on his heels.

My heart pounded hard in my chest in time with the slaps of my feet against the floor. A body... Harry... That was what Mad-Eye had said, and it had sounded like... I didn't want to think it. I heard a shout that I could not decipher and Remus burst through the door a second later. I looked past him and saw the body Moody had referred to. It was indeed Harry.

I froze in the doorway, and Moody nearly knocked me over as he clomped in from behind me. Harry... Dead... It couldn't be... It was like arriving at Godric's Hollow that night all over again, finding James's body just lying there, and then Lily's, and Harry... Harry had been all that Sirius had left!

"Riddikulus!" Remus cried, and Harry's lifeless body was replaced by a silver orb which Sirius recognised to be the full moon. I blinked and looked up to the other occupants of the room. And there was Harry himself standing across from me, looking more than just a little stunned but alive and well all the same. I wanted to reach out and touch him then, just to make sure he was real.

As the moon disappeared in a puff of smoke, I looked back at the spot where I had seen my godson lying dead. It was just a Boggart, I reassured myself. Harry was fine. But for how long? He was just a fifteen-year-old boy (young man, whatever) and he was wanted dead by a lot of far more dangerous and experienced people, including Voldemort himself. Harry was the only hope of defeating the Dark Lord, for Christ's sake! The odds of him ending up dead in the next few years were phenomenal.

Through my haze, I heard Molly voicing her fears about her family.

"... and P - P - Percy's not talking to us... what if something d - d - dreadful happens and we never m - m - made it up with him? And what's going to happen if Arthur and I get killed, who's g - g - going to look after Ron and Ginny?"

In response, Remus spoke about the situation with the original Order back when Voldemort had first been in power, and my mind flashed back to Moody's picture. So many of those brave wizards and witches were dead. James and Lily were gone forever and the only family I had left was Harry and Remus, either of whom could die any day now. I understood Molly's worries about her family perfectly, and I wanted to reassure her, because maybe then I _might_ be somewhat comforted myself.

"Don't worry about Percy," I said suddenly. "He'll come round. It's only a matter of time before Voldemort moves into the open; once he does, the Ministry's going to be begging us to forgive them. And I'm not sure I'll be accepting their apology," I added bitterly.

I noticed Harry's eyes on me and, tuning Remus out completely, I met his gaze for a moment before he glanced away. As Molly smiled tearfully and nodded to Remus in thanks and the rest of the group dispersed, I watched Harry go.

I'd seen his dead body lying there, and it scared me. I looked at him and I could see both James and Lily at the same time, and because of that I was reminded of his mortality every time I laid eyes on him. But Molly was wrong when she claimed that I thought he was James. I cared for him as much as I had James, true, but Harry Potter was his own person. He was even more like the only real family I had than James had ever been. And it scared me to think for a moment that he might be gone from me forever – like his parents – in the blink of an eye.

"I won't let it happen," I whispered as I arrived at my room. I locked the door behind me and fell into my bed with a sigh. "If Harry is in danger, I'll save him. I won't let them take him as well."

I nodded with a kind of self-satisfaction, vowing, "No matter what."

~FIN~


End file.
